Let’s just hope that season five is the show’s swansong. Don’t get me wrong, Africa loves it, so it makes sense that we should get more… it’s kind of like crack in that sense. You know its wack, but your cousin digs it so you can’t say jack.

It’s been suggested that this show is going to be something of a game changer and I can’t wait to see how this plays out. Let me think; will it feature contestants competing for a cash prize?

Er, yes. Will they come from 14 different countries? Well, yeah… will it be hosted by South Africa? Erm… So it’s not much of a change is it? Hang on, there’s a twist; there will be no insufferable Vuvuzelas!

Plus (and I think this is the part we are supposed to be hella excited over) it will feature contestants from previous editions of Big Brother Africa.

Exciting stuff that, I can barely type and that has nothing to do with the fact that my hand is busy slapping my forehead eliciting a thought process that climaxes in the realisation that there was a reasonable explanation behind the lack of build up to this moment.

So, 14 housesmates from our past… that should be interesting, right? It sort of depends on how you look at it. If the previous editions were won by the most entertaining housemates, then what are we being offered?

It’s sort of like walking into a restaurant and having the waitress roll her eyes at you and say, “the good stuff is finished and is off spending it’s prize money, but we have the mawolu.”

If you’re hungry, you’ll take it, but as you chew it, there’s no running away from the realisation that you’ve been handed the leftovers. Again, this is not necessarily a bad thing.

I for one dig frozen pizza, so I can’t wait to see who DSTv (and by extension M-net) is pulling out of refrigeration for our viewing pleasure.

We know there’s definitely a Ugandan in there and seeing as none of our representatives has ever won, any of them could be thrown back in there. Question is, who truly deserves a second chance?

Gae has moved on and done well for himself. Maureen got married, Morris is doing well as model and we haven’t heard much about Phil and Hannington.

So, if we were to in fact give someone another chance, I reckon it would be down to Phil, Hannington and Morris, not because there’s anything wrong with being a model (I respect that) but rather because we expected him to publish a dictionary when he left the house. There’s just so much untapped potential there.

Will we benefit from the spirit of camaraderie that the East African Community is trying to instill in us or will Kenyans, Tanzanians and Ugandans conspire against each other? Speaking of which, am I the only one that thinks Tanzania’s hot cake will be coming back?

It was mentioned earlier that the money that would have been used during the recruitment drive was channeled into “recreating the house in a very different way and focusing on putting new technology into place”. What does this all mean?

The web is ablaze with the suggestion that the shower hour may be back which would lead us to believe that it was always on the cards but the technology at the time just couldn’t permit us to watch people bathe. You’ve got to be grateful for waterproof video cameras.

Last year’s host is back and hopefully this is one of those second time lucky situations. A lot of people didn’t feel a connection with IK last season, but if we are willing to give the show the benefit of doubt there’s really no reason he shouldn’t be granted some sort of reprieve.

Unless of course he decides to wear another leather jacket. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to see how they are going to introduce the characters this time around, I can’t be bothered to speculate over Big Brother’s persona this time around, it can be a child with Tourette’s syndrome for all I care.

However, if the show opens with a splash of paint and people in military fatigue, I may have to claim a refund.

Quick recap. We’ve got contestants from previous shows coming back.
Sean Paul is going to perform and there will be (with any luck) no Vuvuzelas. It starts tonight on DSTv.

Looks like way back when (in 2005) I was hella excited by the prospect of having my voice heard, I went and had my finger dipped, nay pressed hard in an ink pad and got ready to vote, got ready, got impatient real bad, but when D-day came, something came up, ain’t that real sad? I musta felt that way coz till this week, I had no clue that I had a voter’s card.

Anywho… this time won’t be the same, I won’t lug around with the shame, the kind that came, then, when, I, didn’t get a chance to have a say, to stand tall with a purple thumb on that day, when I didn’t care what the person on the radio had to say, about the polls, and ignored the calls, till the ringing took its toll… I’ll be in that hall, standing in line waiting my turn, stomach excited…tummy starting to churn…

Someone suggested that my vote won’t count, maybe it won’t count for jack… well, maybe, but what if it does? What if you decided whether who leaves and who comes back? Kinda makes you wanna give a…..hoot.

Snap, my five minutes are coming to a close, I don’t know whether I’ve put across, the message I meant to, the idea that arose, anyway, come 2011 let us see how it goes, who knows, who can? Think on it… Think long and hard and when you are done, think some more and when the pessimism starts to rise, hit PAUSE.

He staggers; drunk, perplexed. Realising that it is futile. The emotion is from within, not without.

He glances about him, realising, for the first time that it is not in her eyes that he wanders. He is beyond that. Past all that.

He realises. He is in her heart and the emotion that has collected has made its way to his own and she…she lives in his.

He blinks. The blink of a man in love.

And then he sees her. As one seeing another for the first time. In light anew. . .

Wise people will tell you that investment is the way to go. What they won’t tell you, is what to invest in…which to be honest is a true testament to their wisdom.  I’ve scoured the internet for all of two minutes and gotten bored so, frankly, I’m going to wing it. Invest in BLOOD.

Wait. Don’t go away. I’m on to something here. The way I see it, there’s a serious need for blood these days. You watch stuff like Ninja Assassin and Spartacus and you can’t help but marvel and think, “Bloody hell, whoever is giving these guys blood must be sitting on a heap of money…” you know what? They probably are. Now you have to be smart about how you go about this business. I think it would make a lot of sense if you posed as a red cross official and you did your thing.

The Red Cross and Blood Bank basically publicise their blood drives and hold them in open areas. This, they figure, screams transparency. The reality; it’s a major inconvenience. Nobody likes a showy person. It makes a lot more sense if the blood was donated in a convenient and private fashion.

Send text messages to people and approach the ones that reply. You don’t want to go taking blood from just anyone, do you? ‘course not. Visit any one of the 4560 sms spam providers and ask them to send a text to everyone in their database saying, “I’m out for blood, holla at me on __________” then you can collect when people contact you. And they will.

Now, you have to remember, some people are a bit shy about these things, so they may mask their trepidation with nasty words. Bear the brunt of their cusses, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained… or something.

We’ll skip the boring how’s and when’s. For all I care, you can send for it from ‘outside countries’.

Let’s move straight to making your first sell…sale?

You can connive with people in the hospitals to give you a hook up. Short of that you risk becoming the grim reaper incarnate and constantly being on the look out for accidents. That would just be wrong. You don’t want to be the guy in the middle of a traffic jam with a wicked grin and a glint in your eye with thoughts of…well, you get the idea.

Okay, I hear you. Blood is not for everybody. Fine. Let’s go to entertainment.

It’s not enough to go into music these days. You need to offer the market something different. Back in the day it was enough to just have a crazy-ass sounding name, but now, not so much. Sorry  Dripping Lizard, your time is long gone.

What you want to do, failing getting a gig as a back up rapper for klear kut, is come up with your own style. GNL has his Luga-flow, Raba Daba has Luga-Ragga. Now to carve a niche, simply take away from these guys. I’d recommend a style that’s kinda common, but no one has attached a name to it; No-Flow! Just keep mumbling and rumbling and saying stuff like you took a puff, stomp out in a huff, like Charlie in two and a half…men, mayne, see how easy it is to piece this, I’m outta here. Peace!

Okay, let’s assume for a minute that the movie was watched by these two grown ups and somehow, whatever they were watching was passed on to me… that would mean, my recollections should revolve around my fetal stage. What memories then? “oh, i had just made the transition from a whatsit to a what-the…”

The Grease issue has been a massive bone of contention for me because it, through no fault of my own, attempts to impress upon me, two *cough cough* truths….

1. I am older than I think I am
2. I dig musicals

I’ve thought this thing through and I think the one closest to the truth is number one. There is no conclusive way of proving this however seeing as;

1. Birth Certificates can be falsified
2. My mother is, without a doubt, meant to love me and say nice things.

If we look at number 2 in the first set of hypotheses, it brings out the worst in me, because, it implies that if I gave it a chance, I may actually like High School Musical and all the offshoot sprung forth from its . . . origin? That can’t be the word I was looking for. Isn’t it annoying how, when you’ve finally decided to put writer’s block at the end of your .25 Magnum, you pull the trigger and realise that the chamber is empty?

I mean, its all well and good to shoot blanks, but not to be able to shoot at all? Come on!

Hey, that last line sounded like an allusion to sex, didn’t it? No, really, go back and read it again. I’ll be here, waiting. Done? Makes you feel dirty, doesn’t it?

Snap, I lost my train of thought. I can’t be arsed to scroll to the top of this thing to see what it was I started out with, so let’s just make things up as we go along…

John Nasasira was quoted as having said that there will be no potholes in 2014, something attributed to the World Bank pouring a shit load of money into our pockets coffers. That’s all well and good, but does that also mean we won’t be seeing those repulsive road squares?

You know the ones. It’s like someone was walking past a pothole and thought to himself, ‘that ain’t right’. Pulled out a ‘set-square’ and proceeded to give the damn thing straight edges. I’m all for innovation, but dude!

Otunnu has been summoned by the cops, so has Besigye. Can only mean one thing. Election season is rolling in. The last time around someone was accused of raping… sleeping with his charge, this time around it’s boring. Dude has been summoned in connection with saying that a lake was sold to investors. . .seriously?

Let’s be real about this. We are constantly bitching about how the government is doing nothing to develop the economy and then when they decide to woo people with lakes, it’s a problem? What do you expect, we can’t go breaking more schools, seeing as, according to recent polls, education is something of a big deal.

Here’s a thought, go out there and vote, come 2011, coz then you are in a better position to hate. Right now (assuming you didn’t get your thumb stained the last time round) you’re like the … shoot! thought’s gone again…

Who drinks Alvaro? Would someone be so kind as to tell me what it’s purpose in life is? When the green bottle is pulled out of the fridge, with little beads of cold sweat on the side, is the liquid in there thinking, “I’m gonna kill brain cells!!” I have it on good authority that Tusker and other green bottles do that. They speak to me. Sprite and Krest need some back up (waragi, smirnoff, gilbeys) Mountain Dew…. well, there’s a joke about Mountain Dew, so I guess it passed. So what’s the deal with Alvaro?!