6 keys from the edge…

ran in the Sunday Vision March 28 2010

The other week word spread like a fir… sorry, I meant, like a problem, that bars would be allowed to operate between 5pm and 10pm. Naturally, this suggestion was met with tremendous uproar. Not in the sacred halls of parliament, mind you, but from the people that actually have a stake in these things.

Solutions have been flung about with wreckless abandon, many of which incidentally are fuelled by liquor. The most obvious thing to do, the consensus has it, is to simply pitch camp outside the bars around 4:30pm and then leave. The reason this may make sense is pretty simple, no one has ever been arrested for driving under the influence between 6 and 7pm. At 8pm, the patrol officers are busy booking people behind the wheel for some vague offense generally referred to as inconsiderate use of the road. This could be anything from driving with your wiper active when there’s no rain, to playing Wafagio’s music at a loud volume.

Realistically, no one wants to go back to their place of residence reeking of alcohol at 9pm or 10 pm, so short of actually drinking in the parking lot of a really large supermarket that is open 24 hours a day, you are faced with one option; HOUSE PARTIES.

A chunk of respondents to the well thought out poll question, “House parties oh yeah?” responded in the affirmative. Well, that’s not entirely true. A lot of them wanted to be sure that the silly bill had been passed, then they were okay with house parties. Here’s why…

Cost Implications

You can always be certain you will drink something pricey even if you don’t spend on it.  Michael says he gets really riled when he carries a bottle of expensive liquor and finds  that other people have brought cheap stuff, “Some times they even carry water as a joke, but it’s not funny”. The decent thing to do, is to carry some soda and either claim you brought it as a mixer or say your religion doesn’t permit you to touch alcohol. It does allow you to taste it though…

Breathalyser

Realistically, at some point or other, you will run the risk of placing your lips on a piece of plastic that is not the mouth of a UG Quarter. However, many of these houseparties are strategically placed in areas that the police guys are not aware of. Seriously, when was the last time you stepped out of a person’s house and found guys bundled up on a pick up with the intent to be bribed…I mean, to dish out justice? It will take a while before the police catch on to the fact that there’s parties at some dude’s place in Kivamuntuyyo, so you can make the most of this.

Time is of the essence

You know how the DJ at your favourite watering hole likes to fade out the music in a not so subtle attempt to get you to leave? That seldom happens at house parties. For one thing, at least one person is already at home, and he is usually lonely and not averse to having company, which is probably why he or she threw the party in the first place. If you are said lonely, party throwing person, things work themselves out, no one wants to stick around and clean up, so you will have your house back eventually.

Bedrooms!

Kind of self explanatory

Clean toilets

Yeah, okay, the thing is, this is not always guaranteed. You need to be among the first people to use the loo. Or generally attack the toilet at that crucial moment when people can still; aim and  more importantly, flush the loo.

Home is where the heart is.

Ever hang out with someone and they are going on and on about how they want to go home. Throw the party at this person’s place and you won’t have to worry much about party poopers.

Sort of smoke free conditions

People generally respect other people’s houses. To this end, you won’t leave the house party smelling like you were hanging out in a tobacco factory. Okay, that’s a lie. No matter where you go, as long as people are having fun, you will smell like smoke.