One For The Road
At some point, dear reader, you are going to be a parent. In fact, you may already be one. Whether you are aware of this, is an entirely different matter. Children are very curious er, things. They ask all sorts of questions. One of the most feared questions, according to the world wide web (considering it’s vastness, I really doubt you will challenge me on this one) is where babies come from. Why the hell a kid would concern itself with such issues is beyond me.
When the time comes, and it will, be prepared to tell junior the truth. Do not get shy about it and start talking about how DHL hooked Mummy and Daddy up and refused to leave warranty forms. No, for you see, when Junior grows up and finds out the truth, it shall sicken him/her. It will also reveal that Mummy and Daddy are hypocrites. For you see, mummy and daddy do not want Junior to tell lies, and yet they themselves are liars. Horrible ones at that. I mean, who will believe that there is a shopping mall with only children?
Tell Junior the truth. Tell him/her/it that mummy and daddy had sex. Whether you tell him that it was at the bleachers during the Rugby Game or some corner at a popular hang out joint is entirely up to you. You should then proceed to give junior a copy of the Kamasutra: Infant’s Edition. That’s the one that is not too graphic. It has little stickmen and stick women doing things to each other. You see, dear reader, if you expose Junior to graphic material, he or she will start clamouring for toys more expensive than you are accustomed to. I’d say rare, but I was told that Wandegeya stocks such toys.
Of course Junior will not only be obsessed with Sex. Should you detect signs at an early age that that’s all he is interested in (he always asks you for the HYENA section of your newspaper) then, dear reader, you are so screwed. On the other hand, if he is very inquisitive and has the hallmarks of an alcoholic and he asks you that inevitable question. Then point him to uncle Ivan’s blog, where he will find the answer to that question of the ages, “Where do drinks come from?”
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